Follow the Dress Code

Read the dress code carefully. Dress too casually when the code calls for white tie and you'll stand out (in the wrong way); go too formal at a laid-back affair and you risk looking like an earl at a pig roast. If it says "White Tie," "Dark Suit," "Lounge Suit" or "Summer Chic," you're expected to dress accordingly. When the dress code is white tie, full evening dress or black tie, it's even more important to stick to the appropriate level of formality. If you're not used to wearing a suit and tie, seize the opportunity! All men look good in a suit and tie. 

A Brief Guide to Dress Codes:

White Tie: The most formal and strict dress code. This includes tailcoat (penguin-style jacket), suit trousers with satin stripes, a white dress shirt with a stiff front and collar, white waistcoat, white bow tie, and black patent leather shoes.
Black Tie: A formal dress code. A full black tie outfit includes a dinner jacket, white pleated shirt, black patent shoes, a waistcoat or braces, and a black bow tie. And don't forget the cufflinks.
Formal/Dark suit: Navy or dark grey suit, white cutaway shirt and tie, with black leather shoes such as Oxford or Derby styles.
Suit: A slightly more relaxed suit than the formal code, allowing more flexibility in colour.
Smart casual: Not an official dress code but generally implies a more relaxed outfit. A blazer with suit trousers or chinos, paired with black or brown shoes.
Summer Chic: An unofficial dress code that's becoming increasingly popular. A linen blazer and tailored trousers is a great choice, though neither is strictly required. Aim for light, summery colours. Tip: in warm weather, a white shirt is a safer choice than, say, a pale blue one.

Always check with the hosts or the bride and groom if you're unsure what the dress code entails.

Manners and Etiquette 

Maybe you feel out of place at a particularly formal affair, you don't know which cutlery to use first, or who to look at when raising a toast. Don't worry - even though there are etiquette rules, you still have to be yourself, whether it's a Nobel banquet or that aforementioned pig roast. But if you want to adapt to the level of formality, here are some simple guidelines: start with the outermost cutlery, the first toast is made with your dinner partner, make eye contact with fellow diners before sipping, and avoid drinking too much during the meal. Etiquette and manners naturally depend on how formal the occasion is.

Surviving the Dinner

Wedding dinners tend to be long and often includes speeches, songs, games, and seating arrangements. Maybe you only know the couple, who are usually seated far away from you. If your neighbour at the table is stiff or dull, ask open-ended questions – gems can surface when you least expect it, maybe after a glass of wine or two. Alternate your wine with water, especially if the temperature calls for it. Toast politely and help foster a pleasant atmosphere at the table. In the best-case scenario, the hours will fly by. In the worst case, you'll at least leave with a good story.

Small Talk Strategy

You'll be talking to many people, some lovely, others less so. During the wedding dinner and mingling, it's helpful to have a few go-to conversation topics: how you know the couple, travel, details of the wedding, or something general and light-hearted. Avoid politics, money, and "So, when is it your turn to get married?". Most people love talking about themselves, so ask curious questions or compliment their outfit. Everyone appreciate kind words, and you'll come across as humble and generous.

If You're Giving a Speech

If you're giving a speech – keep it short. Some speakers, whether from nerves or narcissism, tend to ramble on to the point where even the newlyweds mentally check out. Whether you're the bride's father or the groom's best man, be brief but heartfelt. If you're a guest (luckily!) only expected to listen, do so respectfully and sip your wine rather than chatting with your neighbour if the speech drags on.

We're no toastmaster experts, but here are some general speech tips:

✔ Keep it short (5 minutes at most).
✔ Introduce yourself, share an anecdote about the couple or the person you're addressing, say a few warm words and finish with a toast.
✔ Be personal to the person you're addressing, but ideally do not recount the groom's life story from birth to present day.
✔ Tradition says the bride's father goes first.
✔ Stick to the toastmaster's schedule, unless spontaneous speeches are welcomed.

Loose the tie

There will be moments during the evening when the bride and groom are drawn into more or less embarassing games – perhaps they'll sit back-to-back, each holding one of the other's shoes, to answer questions like "Who's the bigger night owl?" or "Who made the first move?". Let them have their fun. Let go of your cynicism about what's cringe or not, loosen that tight tie and laugh at the spectacle, if nothing else, for the couple's sake. No need to wear your tie around your forehead – tempting though it may be once the dance floor kicks off.

Weddings are after all a celebration of joy, so keep the wise words "put yourself out there" close to your chest and enjoy the party.

Put the Phone Away

Capturing and documenting the wedding is all well and good –but this headline probably doesn't need much explaining. Make memories in real life, not just through social media.

 

The Wedding Gift

Sometimes the couple has created a gift list for guests to follow, it's there for a reason. If you're giving money, it can be tricky to know what amount is appropriate. Go with what feels right for you, a rough guide can be the cost of the dinner per head. If in doubt, a gift card to a quality shop, their honeymoon, or a home décor store is usually appreciated.

Have an Exit Plan

If you feel the party is starting to spiral, too much alcohol from the open bar, intense mothers-in-law, or excessive dodgy dancing – identify a safe spot to take a break. If the wedding is indoors, getting some fresh air can do wonders. A chat with another bored guest might just save your evening.

As the night draws to a close, thank the couple and the toastmaster for the evening. If you really need to sneak out, do a so-called Irish goodbye, but don't forget to reach out the next day to say thank you.

A Few Final Tips:

✔ Stick to the dress code.
✔ Bring blister plasters.
✔ Don't forget an umbrella in case of rain.
✔ Thank the couple.
✔ Enjoy the day!